Sunday Morning: 23rd Annual Lambda Homo Epsilon Fraternity Camping/Kegger BLOWOUT!!!

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"Dude, me and Pig-Pen totally scarfed all your pills last night and took turns butt-stroking Pledge Meatball after he passed out... Shhh... Don't tell my girlfriend."

The only thing better than soccer is everything else

Soccer is unique. It's the only sporting event, outside of the Special Olympics, where the fans are tougher than the professional divers, I mean actors, I MEAN ATHELETES!



China's star midfielder, Sum Fuk King Gy being fouled. He's a tough competitor though and has already scored two goals in this years World Cup.










The Italian team running one of their most important team oriented soccer drills.













Swedens own Byorn Fatnugly in yesterdays 2-2 tie against England.

Too Subtle?

(Dick and Clark out playing with Bruce's dingy)

I had originally drafted a pretty substantial thesis (hence the lack of updates) establishing a DaVinci Code'esq conspiracy which undeniably linked the ACLU, NAMBLA, Al Qaeda, Hot Pockets, and Richard Grieco to a dastardly plot to take over the world; the proof of which was in a series of secret clues in this picture apparent only to those few people who knew what to look for. It was to be my masterpiece, but then I figured that the above picture probably speaks for itself... Besides if I took up too much space I wouldn't be able to include a picture of Grieco.























Oddly enough, this picture also immortalizes the day Robin discovered his sexuality (just look at that smile)... Regretably it was months after "Bruce" discovered it in the bat-cave against his will.

Super Abusive Man

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Whatever Superman, I've seen this exact situation played out 100 times on Lifetime and it NEVER works out well for the girl.

Get out of there lady!

RUN!!! RUN!!!

AND THE WINNER IS:

Jaye Wells, http://jayeblahg.blogspot.com/ the homemaker with a heart of gold and the most loyal reader of the SSP to date. Sorry about making you look like a South Park character...

Ditch the Zero, Get With a Hero? Pt. 5

Real Names: Squiggles and Mr. Macaroni
Occupation: Unknown
Powers: Unknown
Sex: Unknown

Allright, I pretty much invented these guys myself, but they sure as heck look like super heroes to me! It's still unclear exactly who is who but I'm of the school of thought who believe the monkey is Mr. Macaroni. I mean, look at him.

I can't muster up the energy to create a back story for these idiots so I was hoping of you, my devoted fan base, could come up with spastically boombastic origin for these guys full of totally awesome crap like "artificial insemination" and "hot, homoerotic, tiger on human/mutant-butterfly hybrid, pseudo-bestiality, rectal prolapsed, double jeopardy XBOX 360gasms."

Man I hope so...

P.S. I will personally draw and post a personalized Microsoft Paint picture of the author of the winning story right HERE at supersexypictures FREE OF CHARGE!!!

Ready, set, go!

Whats my name BI@TCH!!!???

CHEESEBURGERS ARE GOOD FOR MY BELLY!!!

AND YOU KNOW THIS!!!

Ditch the Zero, Get With a Hero? Pt. 4

The bane of white snowboarders on the bunny slope,
I give you, THE BLACK RACER!!!



















Name: The Black Racer
Occupation: Staying black and racing/God of Death (really)
Race: Black
Favorite Color: Black
Hobbies: Racing (while black)

Got a good one for ya here kids. "The Black Racer" in the DC Comics universe, is actually the grim spectre of "Death" itself. But the real reason why this guy totally rocks balls is because he is a black guy on skis... Nevermind the fact that he is a semi-divine, immortal, harbringer of death who can pass through walls, travel at the speed of light and warp that whole "Space-time continuum" thing, I see that stuff everyday, this is a black guy ON FRIGGIN SKIS!

Another reason why I love this guy is because he's one of those hero's who feels it necessarry to add "Black" to the front of the name just so there's no confusion about his ethnic background... like he's some sort of affirmative action program or something... What's wrong with just being "The Racer"??? You don't see other heroes running around with names like "The Chinese Howler Monkey" or "The Uzbekistani Lightning Bug."

"HOLD IT Senor Cheeseburgers!" You say to yourself, "Maybe 'black' is in reference to his totally awesome, black, ski-suit."















WRONG!!! Now go sit in the corner stupid.

Questions that need answering:
Why is he using poles with water-skis?
Why does death need to wear a helmet?

Adios Asshole

The Bell Can't Save you Pu$$ies Now

Grudge Match:

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Zack "The Preppy" Morris

vs.

A.C. "LMNOP" Slater

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THE MASSACRE AT THE MAXX

(in association with Supersexypictures.blogspot.com)

(Don't flex man. Hey! Are you flexing? I'm not flexing. Don't flex)

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"I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so... scared"

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Winner: Slater

Ditch the Zero, Get With a Hero? Pt. 3

Evil, German, double amputees UNITE!!!
I Bring you: THE ARMLESS TIGER MAN!


















Real Name: Hertz (as in it 'hurts' to get your arms chopped off)
Occupation: Retired day laborer/Nazi
Professional Organizations: Machine Haters Anonymous (MHA)

Holy smokes I think I crapped my pants!!! This is probably the coolest thing I've ever seen. This crazy bastard might have the lamest super-powers in the history of comics (but don't worry I'll keep looking). Wanna know what they are? Are you ready? He doesn't have any arms! That's it. That's his super-power.

So, without further ado, I bring you the epic story of the Tiger-Man...

In his youth, Hertz worked in a mechanical laboratory in Munich, Germany presumably making crap for Hitler. Everything was great until his arms got caught in a machine and subsquently ripped from his body in a bloody, horrible mess. After years of training, he learnt how to use his feet in place of his hands and set off to use his newfound prowess to... destroy... all... machines... Which, of course, he blamed for costing him his arms. Being an insane German, the Gestapo felt he would make an ideal government employee, and when they learnt of his hatred of machines they all sat around collectively brushing their little Hitler mustaches with glee until they decided to send him off to America to... kick... our... machines...
Now, I suppose learning how to use your feet as well as your hands could come in real "handy" in a fight; you would essentially have 4 hands to pummel your opponent into submission (and be totally awesome in bed). Anyway, the thing is, Tiger Man has no arms to begin with, so at best he's just a crazy German with two, smelly hands and an awesome haircut...

Questions that need answering:
1) How the hell did he get into a full length, yellow leotard with no hands?
2) More importantly, how does he get out of it to go to the bathroom?
3) MORE importantly, how does he wipe? Those toe-nails look sharp!
4) Could he kick (pun intended) Kite-Man's ass? Howabout The Red Bee?

Ditch the Zero, Get With a Hero? Pt. 2

Anablephobics beware:
The most dangerous villain alive on a windy day... KITE-MAN!!!

Real Name: Charles "The Kite-Man" Brown
Occupation: Licensed Criminal Aviator

Ohhhhhh Kite-Man... Seriously, what were you thinking? You've tied yourself to an oversized childrens plaything and put on a pair of your sisters favorite pajamas. How does being strapped to a giant kite actually aid you in your criminal pursuits? You have to take the stupid thing off before you can fit through the bank's front door and you can't make your escape until you find a precocious nine year old to hold the string tied around your waist and run as fast as he can in the opposite direction! Rain - screwed, lighting - really screwed. Plus at the end of the day, no matter how many capers you manage to pull off, your name is still "Kite-Man."

"Dr. Doom" and "Kite-Man" walk into a super-villain singles bar. Guess who is going home alone? I mean, one is a Doctor and one has a kite tied to his back.

Ditch the Zero, Get With a Hero? Pt. 1

Apiphobics and Law Clerks beware:
I give you... THE RED BEE!!!

Real Name: Rick Raleigh
Occupation: Assistant District Attorney (no, really)

Now this guy was great. He had no super powers whatsoever, but he DID have pet bee named "Michael" that he carried around in a secret compartment in his belt. That's it. A guy with trained bee. Amazingly enough, he felt this made him pretty super, so he donned red and yellow striped spandex and a pair of totally bitchin' blue boots to fight crime (especially Nazi's) as "The Red Bee." Oddly enough his pet bee wasn't even red which makes this poor man's particular psychosis even more difficult to identify.

I suppose if his opponents were allergic to bees he could be quite a ferocious adversary... but don't bees die after stinging someone??? Does he have to train a new bee after every fight??? Would The Red Bee sacrifice Michael's life for one good sting on Hitler's ass??? Questions that need answering.

Sweet camel-toe by the way.

Real World Experience

What's it going to be like for these retards that have been on the real world/road rules/challenge/ for the last 10 years of their life when they discover that this fact doesn't impress anyone but seriously inebriated college freshman?

Other than a shot at guest hosting a show on MTV37, Wednesday nights @ 3:00 a.m., how employable are these people really? What in the hell is "The Miz" going to talk about during an interview?
Mr. Fancypants > Let's see here... Is it Mike?
The Fuckin Miz > Actually it's "The Miz."
Mr. Fancypants > Ok, "The Miz," what can you do for our company?
The Fuckin Miz > "Well dude, I've been on the Real World shows for the last 8 years and would have won last years Real World/Road Rules challenge but I got so friggin wasted that I made out with the cameraman... Oh man... But on a serious note, my real passion is in professional wrestling both of which, I think, will make me an invaluable asset here at Globocom Financial."













(shut up foo' I'm the Miz!)

Ladies and gentlemen, The Rubber BAND!!!

These guys rock hard... I mean they can really bust it out... er...