Mission Highly Improbable:

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know I haven't updated in a while so what? Don't you have anything better to do than check this site for pictures of Jessica Simpson's feet and Lindsay Lohan's tits??? Oh wait, "We come for the comic book pictures and witty banter Senor Cheeseburger!" Please...

Anywho, rather than apologizing for the lack of updates I will invite you to join me on my top-secret mission to India to meet with Deepak the Great face-to-face. In only two posts on his blog he has already unlocked the secret to "living a great life." I must determine, for myself, whether this man, if he truly is a man, is a threat or... an angel sent from heaven... It is a rare opportunity as he lives high atop a mountain and only allows 2 guests a year within the walls of the Gopi Temple... No I'm not one of them... That's why I need your help...

I have a plan. Without getting bogged down in the details, it involves a half-eaten tub of goat-cheese, a 9-Iron, 30 yards of watermellon flavored fruit roll-ups, a trained howler-monkey and 2 dozen pink, ribbed for her pleasure, french-tickler condoms with the resevoir tips.

Should you choose to accept this misson please reply below and let me know whether you want a vegetarian meal on your flight and if you have any special skills (e.g. nunchaku's, computers, pet howler monkey etc... etc...) that might aid us in our quest...

Your computer will probably not self-destruct.













This is all the intel we could gather on our target: http://deepakgopi.blogspot.com/

The Next Big Thing: Deepak the Great

Look at this man's eyes
Then look at his blog
He will change your life
Thank you, Deepak.







http://deepakgopi.blogspot.com/

Just do it.
Trust me.
Do it.

It's the next big thing.

Lindsay Lohan and the Fantastic Google Searches:

Top 3 Google Searches which landed the poor Googler at SSP:

1) "Super Sexy Blob"
2) "Pictures of Snowboarders on the Bunny Slope"

And my personal favorite:

3) "Zak Morris Butt Pictures"

OK FINE, HERES A PICTURE!!!
























A pictoral collage of Lindsay Lohan's humps and lovely lady lumps... Microsoft Paint colors sampled from said lumps and lumps. Enjoy.


Good grief I need help...

Ladies and Gentlemen, Ms. Sherri Dykes

Beware of Overweight Man!!!

"One of the strangest super-foes of all."

Hello pot, meet kettle.

Really? The "strangest" of all??? Come on! It's just a guy with mild obesity!

I see a guy with sprouting wings on his back swoopin' through the air trying to sodomize the poor guy, some chick shooting squiggly lines out of her skull while her boyfriend's shooting friggin lasers-beams out of his eyes, some hairy-ass clown with a foot fetish trying to shove his feet all up in the guy's face (notice the yellow lines which indicate "stinky") and a friggin snowman tossin' around icicles like Ralphy on crack... AND THE FAT GUY IS THE STRANGE ONE???

Please! Poor guy probably just woke up and was trying to get dressed in time to make it to McDonalds for a couple sausage egg mcmuffins... He's only got a par of boxers on and these assholes come barging in throwing snowballs, trying to mount him and making fun of his weight problem! It's like a bad Jackass episode.

I'm fed up. Clearly society has a lot of growing up to do. And what's with the nickname? "The Blob" I can guaran-god-damn-tee that "The Blob" wasn't HIS choice.

Everyone else gets to pick their own cool name... Iceman, Cyclops, The Beast, Marvel Girl... He gets stuck with "The Blob." Nice.

Jessica Simpson's Feet: An Inspiration

Seriously, I know Jessica Simpson is the most beautiful woman on the planet, but who could have ever predicted that anyone (even me!) could create the most beautiful Microsoft Paint Painting ever made in history using only the colors and shades found in one, perfect, big toe???

Weep you dullards, you neandrathals, weep at the beauty. Weep in envy of my talent. WEEP DAMN YOU!

I love you Jessica, I'm sorry I never called.
I hope you can forgive me

Love,

Senor Cheeseburger

When You're in High School, You'll do Anything to get Laid

Wow Arch! I'm suprised you have enough strength left in your arms to carry the girl after... well... you know...

What a guy...




What a really, really, really gay guy.

Ditch the Zero, Get With a Hero? Pt. 6

An Optometrists Wet Dream,
The Ten-Eyed-Man!!!


- Booga-Booga-Booga!
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Don't be Racist: Having 10 Eyes IS TO a Super-Power!

Real Name: Philip Reardon
Occupation: Rent-a-cop turned Super-Villian
Special Abilities: 20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20 vision

Philip Reardon was "Special Forces" in Vietnam until he was honorably discharged after a grenade fragment hit him between the eyes. After surviving all kinds of horrible shit in Vietnam, he returned to the safety and calm of civilian life as a warehouse guard and subsequently got his ass kicked by a bunch of thieves who, for whatever reason also planted a bomb to blow up the warehouse. Que the Batman:

When he regains consciusness he mistakes Batman for one of the thieves (thieves usually dress up as Batman) and subsequently receives a tremendous ass-whopping at the hands of the caped crusader. Long story short: Batman kicks his ass, warehouse blows up, eyeballs get fried, he goes blind.

Rather then let his disability get him down however, Reardon seeks out a brilliant doctor who concludes that rather than just fixing his eyes, he will reconnect his optic nerves to his fingertips. Simple!

Now that he can see through his fingers, he becomes a Super-Villian named The-Ten-Eyed-Man (why wouldn't you). His power, 360 vision through his fingers.

As impressive as that sounds, its the friggin worst power in history and he gets his ass beaten all over the place even by a semi-retarded, man-bat hybrid creature who neutralizes the Ten-Eyed-Man's super power by throwing a shrubbery at him (imagine catching a shrubbery with your eye-balls). He is eventually thrown in prison with his hands locked inside a box so he can't see anything























"Because of his abilities, Reardon has 360-degree vision, without the box escape would be 'child's play' for him."

Questions That Need Answeringu:
1) All 10 "eyes" in the box? Could a guy with one "eye" really escape???
2) If I spin around real fast it's almost 360-degree vision... Superhero???
3) What about his "one-eyed monster"??? The Eleven-Eyed-Man???

Superman Returns!!!

Holy Jabrony!

Superman Returns made me crap my pants. Go see it right now!

Without giving too much away, this is the best superhero movie ever made, bar none. "But wait Senor Cheeseburger!" You exclaim, "You are just some idiot with a laptop and a 4th graders knowledge of Microsoft Paint, how can we trust you to give us an accurate motion-picture review?" Well friends, don't take it from me:

9 out of 10 doctors and Captain America himself agree:
"Superman Returns rocks serious BALLS!!!"



"We're Doctors and we loved it!"













"A great family film and for a limited time only, bring your own minority and get in 1/2 price!!!"










"Superman looks tho thexy in his wittle bwoo thuit! Our favorite part was when he jumps out of the closet! Tee-hee-hee."











"Do I look like the kind of woman who would pay to see a movie called superMAN?"










"DAMN IT, I knew I ain't this baby daddy!"









"Super-strength........... Super-speed............. Super-stamina............. Super-breath............. Super-hearing............. Heat-ray-vision............... X-ray-vision................. Still gets his ass kicked by a bald guy with a wad of money! Know what I got baby? A friggin' shield. That's right, 10,000 Nazi's versus me and a hunk of metal made fer throwin'. Who's super now???"

"So... You ever been inside the Avengers Mansion?"


See!

Would you PLEASE stop being such an A-Hole???

If I Were a Ninja: A Haiku

(In case you didn't know: REAL Ninjas wear purple all the time and are totally comfortable with it. Furthermore, that is not "artistic license", the Weed Whacker, in the hands of a master, is the single most devastating tool at a Ninjas disposal... Except for Snap-Bracelets... Snap-Bracelets are the most devastating tool at a Ninjas disposal followed closely by the Weed Whacker... I'm serious. It's science)

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My Bitchin' Haiku'
"If I Were a Ninja"

Back-flip, stabbing rage
Mystical head explosions
Hot asian chicks too.

- Senor Cheeseburger

Leave a friggin Haiku if you think you got what it takes!!!
You know the routine 5-7-5.