Ditch the Zero, Get With a Hero? Pt. 6
An Optometrists Wet Dream,
The Ten-Eyed-Man!!!
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Don't be Racist: Having 10 Eyes IS TO a Super-Power!
Real Name: Philip Reardon
Occupation: Rent-a-cop turned Super-Villian
Special Abilities: 20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20 vision
Philip Reardon was "Special Forces" in Vietnam until he was honorably discharged after a grenade fragment hit him between the eyes. After surviving all kinds of horrible shit in Vietnam, he returned to the safety and calm of civilian life as a warehouse guard and subsequently got his ass kicked by a bunch of thieves who, for whatever reason also planted a bomb to blow up the warehouse. Que the Batman:
When he regains consciusness he mistakes Batman for one of the thieves (thieves usually dress up as Batman) and subsequently receives a tremendous ass-whopping at the hands of the caped crusader. Long story short: Batman kicks his ass, warehouse blows up, eyeballs get fried, he goes blind.
Rather then let his disability get him down however, Reardon seeks out a brilliant doctor who concludes that rather than just fixing his eyes, he will reconnect his optic nerves to his fingertips. Simple!
Now that he can see through his fingers, he becomes a Super-Villian named The-Ten-Eyed-Man (why wouldn't you). His power, 360 vision through his fingers.
As impressive as that sounds, its the friggin worst power in history and he gets his ass beaten all over the place even by a semi-retarded, man-bat hybrid creature who neutralizes the Ten-Eyed-Man's super power by throwing a shrubbery at him (imagine catching a shrubbery with your eye-balls). He is eventually thrown in prison with his hands locked inside a box so he can't see anything
"Because of his abilities, Reardon has 360-degree vision, without the box escape would be 'child's play' for him."
Questions That Need Answeringu:
1) All 10 "eyes" in the box? Could a guy with one "eye" really escape???
2) If I spin around real fast it's almost 360-degree vision... Superhero???
3) What about his "one-eyed monster"??? The Eleven-Eyed-Man???
posted by Senor Cheeseburger at 2:05 PM
4 Comments:
haha.
7:39 PM
1) Insects with compound eyes have a similar visual field. Because this design is intended to elude capture and death, the reflexes of the rest of the body have evolved to compensate and react to the stimuli. Insects percieve time differently and like 'the matrix', move very, very fast.
2) You can sit and spin, sure ... but can you do anything at the same time as that, I mean ... with the other hand...?
3)Any 'doctor' that is conserned with connecting someone's optic nerve to various parts of the body has surely tried that. The easy way to tell if a optic-nerve-to-genital person is near you is to go to sun-bathe at a nude beach. If, whilst you are reading a good novel, someones penis, breasts, or vagina seem like they are pointed in your direction to read over your shoulder ... beware ... this could very easily be an optic-nerve-to-genital-connected supervillan, call the police immediately.
Glad I could help,
GC
6:41 AM
Thanks GC,
Your knowledge and guidance are a constant inspiration to everyone at the SSP.
God Bless
4:14 PM
"Special Abilities: 20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20/20 vision"
LMAO!
8:44 PM
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