Abduction

I haven't posted anything in a while... But there is a very good reason. 2 weeks ago I was abducted by aliens. I swear to God. There names were Jorge and Miguel. We drank Tequila every night with super sexy senoritas and laughed and laughed and laughed.























Up yours doc.

Evil Alien Farmer Devil Guy...

I spend far too much time thinking about Ninjas and Aliens.
I reject the popular notion that Aliens are super intellgient. I also reject the slightly less popular notion that Aliens are evil murderous scary monsters. Instead, I like to imagine that Aliens are not too different from us, they probably even have farmers who wear blue overalls... But instead of corn or wheat, they harvest other Aliens heads with purple pitch-forks. Because, afterall, they are aliens.
























Here's one of him in Green to make all of you feel more comfortable
























Stop being so narrow minded.

The only thing better than robots...

...are sexy robots... Super Sexy Robots.

But don't think I forgot about the ladies...

This one is for all the Foxy Female Fans of the SSP:

What a pair of Boners

I'm working...

...and it sucks.

I shouldn't complain because I'm making $20/hour for doing nothing, and it IS just a temp job until my real job starts, but I swear it is boring as hell. You have no idea. Or maybe you do... Does anyone else stare at a computer screen ALL DAY LONG??? Probably. Maybe I should stop bitching and paint something...

This is me at work:
























This is the opposite of me at work:


























Any questions?

100 Comments... Not that exciting...

Well folks, we did it. 100 Comments. So now what??? Other than being called a racist, fag stalker (not a stalker of fags, a stalker who IS a fag) I really don't have much to show for it... So, in the spirit of not having much to show, I bring you a little something I like to call:

"Gross Pictures of Paris Hilton"

Paris Hilton's weird butt:
























and:

Paris Hilton's even WEIRDER crotch and inside ass cheek area... blech.



























I hope you all missed me.
I'm sure that you did.
Because I'm totally sweet.
And my blog is super sexy.

READY SET GO!!!

FIRST!!!

SECOND!!!

Random Awesomeness

This is my MS Painting of Cookie Monster...


















This is you...
























This is innapropriate for children...


















This is Lindsay Lohan in a bikini...
























This is the opposite... (and your girlfriend)

Pardon me while I have a TOTAL NERDGASM

Ok. Now which one's your favorite and why?

Lindsay Lohan Painting

This is a little awkward considering I used to date Lindsay Lohan's vagina for a while, but here is a MS Painting using a selection of the beautiful colors of her hoo-ha...





For a non-distorted image (if you're in to that sort of thing) try: http://www.thesuperficial.com/image.php?path=/2006/09/13/lindsay_lohan_vagina_again.jpg NSFW!!!
(Thanks Margaret for finding this picture... perv)

Beautiful isn't it? Man I oughta get some real paint one of these days...

Flexible girls...

So Sexy



What part of her body do you think made this noise?

P.I.M.P.

Man head




















Helicopter head























Unibomber head



















Hat head















Poop head.

You're head's officially been pimped...

Steve Irwin, I SHALL AVENGE THEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Senor Cheeseburer 1, Stingray... well 1...

OH MY GOD IT'S HIM!!!

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I got you now you SON OF A BITCH! I think theres a few people here at the SSP that might want to have a word with you...

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"Crikey! Thanks Senor Cheeseburger! Now my spirit can rest in peace"

3 Day Weekend, 7 Comments???

Fuck you guys.

MTV in Association with ManBearPig

What in the hell is wrong with the world? Did I actually see Al Gore on the MTV awards last night??? What band is he in again? What instrument does he play? What's his chart topping #1 single? When does his tour kick off? Has he released a celebrity sex tape I don't know about?


:::Al Gore Voice:::

"Now peeeeeple, ya have to understaaaand Glooobal Warming makes things hot. In 3,000 years, teeeemperture's could pottentiallllly increase as much as one and a half degreeees."








For those of you who had something better to do, Al fucking Snore was introduced in the middle of the already immensely boring award show to talk about, what else, global warming, the safest, most mind-numbingly boring and irrelevant topic in the world.

So he saunters on stage like the complete douche that he is, makes some reference to Justin Timberlake and proceeds to give, I swear to God, a power-point presentation on global warming IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MTV MUSIC AWARD SHOW! He shows some pictures of glaciers, spews out some ridicuolously false statement about global warmig causing more severe storms today then ever before, gives us requisite "I'm here to save the world (and you can help me)" sort of line, then walks off the stage like he's the god damn messiah.

Thanks MTV, very entertaining, very rock & roll...
It's comforting to know that I can't even watch the MTV Music Award without being bombarded with this kind of political garbage. And by comforting I mean the exact opposite of comforting. Although I suppose I should have expected it from MTV, these are the same people who brought us "Vote or Die"
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Letting You Into My World

Letting you guys into my world here. This is me all dressed up for an interview Yes, I am that good looking. See, I just got myself a graduate degree that cost a lot of money and that

none of you would believe I actually have so I won't even mention it... Thing is, I don't want a job in this field, I want to be a FRIGGIN NINJA.

But it's so damn hard to break into the Ninjitsu field. Think about it, first you have to actually find a ninja which is like, pretty much impossible... I mean they're FRIGGIN NINJA'S! Hiding is pretty much "their thing." Second, you would have to approach one quietly enough so that you don't give away his position, but not so quietly that he mistakes you for an enemy and totally flips out and stabs you in the face with his poison tipped, glow in the dark, throwing nunchaku's. (trust me, they exist)

But don't take it from me, take it from this guy, a REAL NINJA who sent me this video from an undisclosed location after receiving my resume:

Ask A Ninja: Ninternship


If you didn't laugh your ass off at that you are either too old or too jaded to remember what it's like to be struggling to figure out what you want to do with your life after you can't possibly edjumocate yourself any further... Or you're just a jerk with no sense of humor...

Watch it again, ya jerk.

Worst Day of My Life

So, this afternoon I thought it would be fun to take pictures of one of my girlfriends, Lindsay Lohan, with my new camera. It's got really great telephoto lens. I told her I was going for a run on the beach and waited for her to go outside and catch some sun so I could take some pretty candid pictures of my love...

You won't believe who showed up just minutes after I walked out the door.





























DAMN YOU DEEPAK!!!
WHY HER???
YOU COULD HAVE ANYONE IN THE WORLD!!!
AND WHERE IN THE HELL IS YOUR FINGER?!?!

CURSE YOUR BOYISH CHARM, ACTING TALENT AND MUSTACHE!

Ernesto the Cat, RIP

Stupid Cat

I bet my girlfriends new kitten, Ernesto, $100 that he couldn't drink a dixie cup full of Jack Daniels without passing out...

Needless to say, I won and, per the terms of our bet, ate Ernesto.

I'm so Confused

Oh my God












OH MY GOD!












Well I got a very busy weekend here so I thought I'd leave you with a few pictures of my two girlfriends... I have to figure out which one to date so I'm open to your suggestions, I need all the help I can get. Lindsay or Natalie??? Why???

Enjoy the pictures, I did. At least 6 times this morning as a matter of fact.

Pics of Me, Natalie Portman and My Chicken

Me, my girlfriend (you may recognize her from such films as Star Wars, The Professional, Star Wars, Beautiful Women, Star Wars etc...) Natalie Portman and her unbelievably sexy ass making a quick run to Blockbuster to rent a few movies, maybe get some popcorn, hump like rabid chupacabras, you know, the usual. It's how I live foks.

Oh, and here's a picture of my chicken:



"Maybe I DO wanna be a french-fry!"







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He wants to be a french-fry.

Aim Small Miss Small...

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.Allah be praised