Letting You Into My World

Letting you guys into my world here. This is me all dressed up for an interview Yes, I am that good looking. See, I just got myself a graduate degree that cost a lot of money and that

none of you would believe I actually have so I won't even mention it... Thing is, I don't want a job in this field, I want to be a FRIGGIN NINJA.

But it's so damn hard to break into the Ninjitsu field. Think about it, first you have to actually find a ninja which is like, pretty much impossible... I mean they're FRIGGIN NINJA'S! Hiding is pretty much "their thing." Second, you would have to approach one quietly enough so that you don't give away his position, but not so quietly that he mistakes you for an enemy and totally flips out and stabs you in the face with his poison tipped, glow in the dark, throwing nunchaku's. (trust me, they exist)

But don't take it from me, take it from this guy, a REAL NINJA who sent me this video from an undisclosed location after receiving my resume:

Ask A Ninja: Ninternship


If you didn't laugh your ass off at that you are either too old or too jaded to remember what it's like to be struggling to figure out what you want to do with your life after you can't possibly edjumocate yourself any further... Or you're just a jerk with no sense of humor...

Watch it again, ya jerk.

Worst Day of My Life

So, this afternoon I thought it would be fun to take pictures of one of my girlfriends, Lindsay Lohan, with my new camera. It's got really great telephoto lens. I told her I was going for a run on the beach and waited for her to go outside and catch some sun so I could take some pretty candid pictures of my love...

You won't believe who showed up just minutes after I walked out the door.





























DAMN YOU DEEPAK!!!
WHY HER???
YOU COULD HAVE ANYONE IN THE WORLD!!!
AND WHERE IN THE HELL IS YOUR FINGER?!?!

CURSE YOUR BOYISH CHARM, ACTING TALENT AND MUSTACHE!

Ernesto the Cat, RIP

Stupid Cat

I bet my girlfriends new kitten, Ernesto, $100 that he couldn't drink a dixie cup full of Jack Daniels without passing out...

Needless to say, I won and, per the terms of our bet, ate Ernesto.

I'm so Confused

Oh my God












OH MY GOD!












Well I got a very busy weekend here so I thought I'd leave you with a few pictures of my two girlfriends... I have to figure out which one to date so I'm open to your suggestions, I need all the help I can get. Lindsay or Natalie??? Why???

Enjoy the pictures, I did. At least 6 times this morning as a matter of fact.

Pics of Me, Natalie Portman and My Chicken

Me, my girlfriend (you may recognize her from such films as Star Wars, The Professional, Star Wars, Beautiful Women, Star Wars etc...) Natalie Portman and her unbelievably sexy ass making a quick run to Blockbuster to rent a few movies, maybe get some popcorn, hump like rabid chupacabras, you know, the usual. It's how I live foks.

Oh, and here's a picture of my chicken:



"Maybe I DO wanna be a french-fry!"







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He wants to be a french-fry.

Aim Small Miss Small...

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.Allah be praised

Naked Pictures of Lindsay Lohan... Sort of...

I don't care if she's a coked-out, talentless, ass-clown with serious personal issues and the most fucked up parents this side of Jessica Simpson, I would still lovingly bathe each and every inch of her soft, supple, cocaine and sweat flavored, freckled body with my tongue...

"What, Senor Cheeseburger," you may ask, "is it that you love about Lindsay Lohan?" Well dear reader, I love the following:

Lindsay Lohan's freckles
Lindsay Lohan's breasts
Lindsay Lohan's nipples
Lindsay Lohan's tits
Lindsay Lohan naked
Lindsay Lohan nude
Lindsay Lohan's feet
Lindsay Lohan bikini
and
Lindsay Lohan candid

There, that ought to get some google hits for the ol' SSP!

Anyway, great party last night Linds, call me later!

Seize the Day

So now what?

All Eyez on Deepak!!!

Deepak Shakur, the strange & terrible saga...
Pimp's up, ho's down, biatch!
http://deepakgopi.blogspot.com/

Brown Suga, How Come You Taste So Good?

I painted this one for all the big-bootie-ho's out there visiting the SSP.
You ever want some cream in your coffee you know where to find me.

Word to your mothers and baby daddies.

Ladies and Gentlemen, It's Awesome Time

Pimpin ain't easy... Even if you're David Hasselhoff


My head literally just exploded 14 times.

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"woosh-woosh...woosh-woosh"

The True Devourer of Worlds

The end of the world. Dig it.

Heaven

Jessica Simpson nude, in my apartment, holding two beers, with a bottle of vodka between her legs, ordering a pizza and paying with a big ol' bag of money after calling her sister Ashley to come over and slipping me some viagra... Like I said, heaven.

One day Senor Cheeseburger... We'll get there... One day...

Check Out the Ass on This Girl!!!

Get it???
Ass???

God I'm bored...